BIRDS: American Kestrels

Several days ago, I heard an awful clatter outside my window. I looked out into the trees across the back patio and noticed a jay-sized bird attacking (or so I thought) a smaller bird. I grabbed my binoculars and to my surprise, I was looking at a medium sized falcon known as an American Kestrel.

For a few weeks, I have been observing a nest of Blue Jays in the brush below these trees. I thought perhaps that the smaller bird being attacked was one of the young Blue Jays who had escaped the nest. However, upon further viewing I noticed that the Kestrel wasn’t attacking the young bird, it was feeding it. It wasn’t a jay at all, but a young Kestrel a tad lighter than its parent.

I counted at least two young and possibly two adult Kestrels occupying the trees and field behind my building. According to the National Audubon Society Field Guide to North American Birds, the father feeds the mother as she incubates the eggs, and continues to feed the young even after they leave the nest. I am fairly certain their nest was in the guttering of the abandoned bowling alley adjacent to the field since they seem to favor perching on its roof. Over the next few days, I watched the young Kestrels practice flying around the field as the adults brought them insects and mice, however today they seem to have moved on.

A haiku

Now that I am in grad school
I have no life.

RAIN: July 21

2 tenths of rain in the guage this morning.

One day, I will write a real post again. Don't give up hope.

RAIN: July 15

4 tenths

RAIN: July 14

1/10th this morning, a light rain.

RAIN: July 11

3/10ths (total) of rain this afternoon and evening.

RAIN: July 5

3 inches 2 tenths. Rained all day.

RAIN: June 22

0.5 inches last night, lots of lightening.

RAIN: June 18

It rained 3/10th's this afternoon.

RAIN: June 11

While away on a day-trip to Friendship, Indiana, I returned tonight to discover 1 inch in the rain guage.

RAIN: June 10

Rained 0.5 inches in about three hours. Nice little storm with damaging winds and hail reported in Richmond.

666

Do you have hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia? If so, today is not a good day for you.

RAIN: June 2

1 tenth of an inch of rain today, plus about half a tenth this morning. A cool, dreary day at Red House, it has been hovering around 60 degrees most of the afternoon.

Though I just filled my bird feeder up a few days ago, this morning I found it mysteriously empty.

RAIN: May 31

Small storm with some lightening. Just enough rain to fill the bottom of the guage.
Total rainfall for May: 2 inches and 5/10.

The Grateful Stool

Since I am still unemployed, I have a lot of time on my hands. We have a bar here in the kitchen of Red House, so we all thought it would be appropriate to buy unfinished bar stools from Michael’s. The idea was that the four bar stools would all match in fundamental shape and design, but we each would decorate our own to our liking.

I nearly finished mine today. I stained the stool with a chestnut finish, and then hand painted the “steal your face” design – my preferred trademark of one of the greatest bands in history, the Grateful Dead.

I am currently waiting on the final coat of polyurethane to dry, as well as someone to hire me.

For the birds

The best part about having a yard, besides mowing it, is the birds. Not long after I moved into Red House I installed two birdfeeders. One feeder is specifically for finches, with plenty of thistle seed and small openings designed for finch beaks. The other is a general feeder with a mix of milo, millet, and sunflower seeds for a variety of birds.

I had to hang the feeders far enough from the porch as not to scare the birds every time I open the door to go out for a smoke. Because of this, I can’t quite see the birds that well since my vision is far from 20/20. I got out my binoculars to aid with identification, but when I noticed that everybody and their mother has been photographing birds, I wanted to get in on the fun.

All pictures that I include in this blog are taken with my Nikon Coolpix 4100. This camera isn’t exactly state of the art technology, but it gets the job done well enough. However, when I first pointed it toward my feeders, I was met with disappointment. The 3x zoom just doesn’t cut it for the 50 and 60 feet of distance to the two feeders from the porch (these distances are accurate, as I just measured them).

It wasn’t long before a solution came to me. I went home this weekend to get the remainder of my books, along with my telescope, the Orion Observer 80mm EQ Ultra. I bought this telescope when I was 14 years old with the first few paychecks I had ever earned working in tobacco. I could only find my 25mm lens, which turned out to be a good thing, since it was the weakest lens I have. I can just barely focus on the first feeder, zooming out completely.

With some minor adjustments to my camera and attempting to line up the lens of the camera with the lens of the telescope, I was able to get a few not-so-clear shots of this female house finch.

Since May 1, I have identified 18 species of birds in the yard. Nesting nearby are pairs of European starlings, eastern blue birds, doves, barn swallows, American robins, common grackles, purple finches, wrens, and house finches. I assume they are nesting nearby because I see the pairs usually everyday, both the male and the female often close together, and I note the same direction they fly in after departing from the yard. The only nests I know of are that of the starlings, which I would gladly destroy since they are an invasive species, and the robins and wrens.

Some random birds I have noted include several cardinals, a few red wing blackbirds, blue jays, mockingbirds, crows, black capped chickadees, an eastern kingbird, a downy woodpecker who seems to be a regular, and the rarest and most colorful of all, a scarlet tanager.

The final draft

Thanks to several suggestions and a little criticism, I completed the final draft of the Red House Constitution. I am happy to report that the reading went well and it was signed by all. Unfortunately, several articles have already been violated extensively. More about that later. Enjoy.

We the Residents of ____ ______________, in order to form more efficient living conditions, establish communal order, insure general welfare of the house & yard, & to secure the equal rights of all residents & guests both foreign & domestic, do hereby establish this Constitution to promote the common safety, well-being, friendships, & relationships within.

Article I

THE DECISION MAKINGPROCESS

Section 1. All decisions pertaining to the general preservation & well-being of the house & social matters within shall be decided by the three-fourth’s majority method. Only residents – those whose names are on the Rental Agreement – have the right to state their opinions &/or vote on such decisions pertaining to the general property, house, or yard.

CHANGING OR AMENDING THIS CONSTITUTION

Section 2. This constitution is subject to alteration & amendment only by residents. In order to create a new or challenge any existing clause, section, or article in this constitution, no less than all residents may agree upon its ratification.

Article II

RENT / UTILITIES PAYMENTS, USAGE, & OBLIGATIONS

Section 1. [1] All deposits, total primary costs of the shared provisions of rent, electricity, & water, as well as total secondary costs of the shared necessities of internet, garbage collection, yard maintenance, & their accessories shall be divided equally among all residents.

[2] Individual checks for such payments must be ready five days before the payment is due. Total rent & utilities bills must be paid on time. It is encouraged for residents to have their one-fourth of next months rent reserved at all times.

[3] Excessive use of water & electricity is prohibited. Energy efficient light bulbs are required in all rooms within. When not in use, residents must turn off lights, appliances, computers, central-air, etc.

[4] Only a resident may possess a key to the house or shed. The location of the hidden key should be disclosed at great discretion.

[5] Residents who choose to move out must give 15 days notice to all other residents, prior to the 30-day notice to the Landlord.

Article III

RIGHTS OF INDIVIDUAL RESIDENTS

Section 1. All residents have the right to pursue their own enjoyment & happiness within as long as it does not infringe upon the rights, enjoyments, & happiness of other residents.

CODE OF CONDUCT FOR PRIVATE ROOMS

Section 2. Personal bedrooms are the private property of the occupant(s) of said room. Any questionable material or items displayed are left to the liability of the room occupant. No other resident may question, deny, or enforce any activities that take place within a private room unless the activity involves excessively audible behavior or may endanger the lives of residents.

RIGHTS OF PRIVATE ROOM OCCUPANTS

Section 3. [1] No personal property shall be removed under any circumstances from private rooms without the consent of the occupant.

[2] No personal property belonging to any individual other than the room occupant shall be stored in any private room without the consent of the occupant of said room.

[3] If the door to a private room is closed, no resident shall enter without knocking & waiting for the resident within to open the door. If the resident is not in said private room & the door is closed, no other resident shall enter unless it is an emergency. Emergencies are limited to shutting a window, turning off lights, electronics or appliances, putting out a fire, or accessing the master bathroom.

Article IV

COMMUNITY AREAS WITHIN DEFINED

Section 1. Community areas within the house are thus defined as the kitchen, dining room, laundry room, & living room. All residents have unlimited permission to enter & utilize the space & items specified for collective use within the community areas.

DIVISION OF COMMUNITY RESPONSABILITIES

Section 2. A centralized schedule shall be erected, dividing equally the duties of community labor & responsibilities among all residents.

CODE OF CONDUCT FOR COMMUNITY LABORS, RESPONABILITIES, & RESPECT

Section 3. [1] Any & all-unnecessary disruption of academic efforts within community areas is prohibited.

[2] Excessive noise in community areas is prohibited. This includes, but is not limited to music, musical instruments, television, parties, guests, animals, arguments, alarm clocks, firecrackers, gunfire, etc.

[3] Inside pets capable of lateral undulatory, bipedal, quadrupedal, sectapedal, octopedal, or winged escape are prohibited.

[4] Outside pets must remain outside at all times & are subject to the full responsibility of the pet owner. These include, but are not limited to feeding, housing, damaged items, damage to the yard, waste produced by the pet, & overall safety of the pet.

[5] Candles, incense, etc. are acceptable in all community areas unless adverse affects are reported by any resident, at which time the scented item should be removed to a private area. Heat producing scented items shall not be neglected at any time.

[6] There shall be an effective non-smoking policy in all areas within, community or private.

[7] Alcohol use is acceptable in all community areas unless the level of drunkenness leads to loud, unruly, or destructive behavior by which the user(s) will be asked to retire to his or her room.

[8] Loaded guns, ammunition, & other weapons are fully acceptable within. However, all occupants must be aware of the placement &/or storage of such weapons at all times. Weapons shall never be left unattended in a community area.

COMMUNITY ITEMS & USEAGE PROTOCOL

Section 4. [1] Decoration or improvement of community areas must be agreed upon & approved by all residents before placement.

[2] Permanent improvements added to the house shall remain if the removal of such improvements results in damage.

[3] Furniture or other items large or small designated for community use must be agreed upon & approved by all residents before their placement. Community items must be treated with care & respect by all residents.

[4] Residents choosing to contribute community items do so at their own desire & are granted no unequal rights, powers, or privileges despite expense, quality, or quantity of community item investment or investments.

[5] Community items damaged accidentally or otherwise are subject to prompt replacement at the expense of the resident who damaged that item. Community items damaged due to regular use are to be replaced at the equally divided expense of all residents unless covered by the Landlord responsibilities in the Rental Agreement.

COMMUNITY CLEANLINESS & MAINTENANCE

Section 5. [1] There shall be no accumulation of personal or community clutter within community areas. This includes, but is not limited to food, dishes, silverware, cups, aluminum cans, bottles, trash, cookware, shoes, media, & clean or dirty laundry.

[2] Media shall not be combined or stored in the community areas. This includes, but is not limited to VHS, DVD, CD, literature, etc.

[3] Shoes worn outside must be left by the front or back door. Shoes worn outside shall be worn outside only.

[4] Once the garbage can is full, and before it is heaping over, the trash shall be removed & the bag replaced.

[5] Dishes shall not remain in the sink longer than 24 hours at a time, nor shall the dirty dishes reach the top of the sink.

[6] Residents who cook are responsible for cleaning & putting away cookware or dishes within 24 hours of their use. Residents who participate in eating – such as during community meals – are not bound to assist in cleaning or replacement of dishes & cookware immediately after, but are encouraged doing so.

[7] The dining room table shall remain free of clutter. It shall be clear & ready for use, unless already in use, at all times. This also applies to the kitchen countertops, coffee tables, & end tables.

[8] Damage committed to the house or noticed shall be reported to all residents immediately.

[9] Cleaning shall be required at least once per week by all residents. Bathrooms shall remain in constantly well-maintained condition.

COMMUNITY FOOD, STORAGE, & THE REFRIGERATOR

Section 6. [1] Residents shall be allotted their own cabinet(s) in the kitchen, while the refrigerator is reserved for community storage.

[2] There shall be designated community cabinets where all cookware & perishables within are considered communal. Respect should be considered with community food or beverages & their amount of use.

[3] Food or beverages belonging to other residents should not be consumed without said resident’s approval.

[4] Residents should discard their own expired food or beverages.

CODE OF CONDUCT FOR OUTDOOR AREAS

Section 7. [1] Responsibilities & expenses for the maintenance of the yard shall be divided equally among all residents. This includes mowing, weed eating, gasoline & oil for the mower & weed eater, tree & shrubbery trimming, & their necessary accessories.

[2] Regular maintenance & repairs of yard equipment shall be divided among all residents equally, unless repair circumstances pertain to misuse of said equipment.

[3] Maintenance of birdfeeders, gardens, flowerbeds, & potted plants are the responsibility of the resident who chooses to maintain them.

[4] Clutter within the limits of yards & the patio is prohibited. Lawn ornaments including, but not limited to birdbaths, crystal balls, statues, rocks, pink flamingos, garden gnomes, etc. are restricted to one ornament per resident. However, violations of any zoning laws are prohibited. [Note: There are no zoning laws regarding a 10-foot, pink flamingo.]

[5] No vehicles are to be parked or driven in the yard at any time, unless agreed upon by all residents.

Article V

CODE OF CONDUCT FOR GUESTS

Section 1. [1] All guest(s) entering the house are bound to all clauses, sections, and articles of this constitution. A guest is considered one who consumes food, water, space, air, & electricity, who is invited into the house, but whose name is not on the Rental Agreement.

[2] Guest status does not apply to girlfriends of residents; however the same laws in which the residents must observe also bind them, excluding primary & secondary payments & yard maintenance.

[3] Any guest in violation of these articles is subject to removal by a majority decision of all residents.

[4] All residents must be notified at least 24 hours prior to a guest planning to stay longer than three consecutive days. This also applies to a party consisting of two or more guests planning to stay the night on any given night, with exception to surprise visits whereupon the resident being visited had no prior knowledge of visitation.

[5] No guest shall be left unattended in the house without at least one other resident present. This does not include relatives of residents.

[6] Any guest staying longer than one week can only do so at the approval of all residents. Any guest staying longer than one month can only do so at the approval of the Landlord.

Article VI

ENFORCEMENT OF THESE ARTICLES HEREIN

Section 1. In the event of sparse, moderate, or excessive violation by a resident or guest of a clause, section, or article, partly or as a whole, the residents shall have power to enforce this constitution & all its provisions by appropriate legislation.

Article VII

RATIFICATION OF THIS CONSTITUTION

Section 1. The ratification of the accepted order & duties of the residents shall be sufficient for the establishment of this constitution among the residents ratifying the same. Done in convention by the unanimous consent of all residents present the Seventeenth day of May in the year Two Thousand and Six and of the signing of the Residential Agreement on the Twenty-Sixth day of April, residents & their guests have read & understand & do hereby agree to all articles, sections, & clauses of this constitution & by signing it are bound by all its terms & conditions, unconditionally, until the Rental Agreement has expired.

RAIN: May 26

1 inch and 2/10. We had one hell of a storm last night/this morning. Winds reached 60 mph and I heard someone was struck by lightening in Georgetown. There was little to no damage in our yard as far as broken limbs, however, Swat's tent is no more...

RAIN: May 25

6/10 of an inch of rain this morning. A record thus far for Red House, at least since I've been here.

RAIN: May 20

3/10 of an inch. Still cold, still shitty.

RAIN: May 19

1/10 of an inch. Cold and shitty.

Several morals

I have graduated and I will have my Bachelor’s in English in six to eight weeks. My GPA is about as good as it’s ever going to get, and thanks to NKU, it will never be that good. This semester I made the Dean’s List – I think for the first time in my life. I made all A’s and one B, but let me tell you about the B.

During finals week, my roommates and I slowly made our move into our newly acquired house a few miles from campus. By Wednesday, I was settled in quite nicely in my new room, the first time I have actually had my own room in six years. My room happens to be at the south end of the house, right next to the bathroom. I had been working on a research paper all week and had just finished it Wednesday morning, with plans to study the remainder of the day for my history final. The class met every Tuesday from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. and I never wrote less than five pages of notes per class. The final exam was cumulative so it was imperative that I study all day.

After I used the bathroom that morning, a few hours later I noticed the toilet was running. When I flipped on the light in the bathroom, to my surprise the floor was covered in about an inch of water, the bowl slowly overflowing. I dove in to turn the water off and screamed for a mop and bucket. Water was draining into the air vent on the floor and it reminded me of a terrible local plumbing commercial on TV where some dude narrates to a similar, but dramatized pathetic situation, “Is this you?”

I bailed the bulk of the water into the bathtub with a red plastic cup and mopped up the rest. All the while, my roommates were calling the Landlord who in turn called the plumber. When I had finished and cleaned myself up somewhat, I returned to my room to relax on my bed and start studying for my history final. To my horror, the water had leaked through the wall, where my history notes and library books were laying. Fortunately (I suppose) my notebook was on the bottom of the pile, absorbing most of the water, while the only library book with a plastic covering was next. The books were safe but my notes were not.

In a rage, I nearly threw the completely soaked and ruined notebook across the room. But, I managed to calm myself and think of a solution. I cleared out the living room, and painstakingly separated all 63 pages with my pocketknife, laying each page on a paper towel to dry. The process took about an hour and a half, but when the pages finally dried out, the notes were illegible since I had written them in ink. For some reason the black ink didn’t run that bad, but since I alternated each class between black and blue ink, I was only able to study about half my notes. However, I must have gotten at least a C on the final the next day, because I got a B in the class, and I had made B’s on the other two exams.

This story has several morals: don’t write notes in blue ink; don’t move into a room next to a bathroom; don’t wait until the last minute to study for an exam, and never trust a toilet.

RAIN: May 18

1/10 of an inch of rain this morning.

RAIN: May 10

I bought a rain gauge to record total rainfall at the new house.
First measurement: 2/10 of an inch of rain.

The Red House Road House Constitution

As I mentioned previously, my roommates, neighbor, and I recently got a house out in the country a few miles from campus. Below is the third draft of the constitution I wrote, using notes and ideas from my roommates and neighbor as well as my own. It has not been signed yet and is still up for discussion. Please offer any suggestions or criticism to further ensure the validity of this document.

The Red House Road House Constitution

The sole purpose of this document is NOT to restrict the individual rights of the residents of ________________, but to ensure the safety, well-being, friendships, and relationships within as well as reducing injury to the house and yard. All residents have the right to pursue their own enjoyment and happiness as long as it does not infringe upon the rights, enjoyments, and happiness of other occupants.

Article I

THE DECISION MAKING PROCESS

Section 1. All decisions pertaining to the general upkeep and well-being of the house and social matters within will be decided by no other method than the Three-Fourth’s Majority Process. Only residents – those whose names are on the Rental Agreement and who have signed this document – have the right to state their opinions and/or vote on such matters involving the condition or circumstances of the house not addressed herein.

CHANGING OR AMENDING THIS CONSTITUTION

Section 2. This constitution is a working document. It is subject to alteration and amendment only by Residents. In order to create a new or challenge any existing code, law, or reference in this document, no less than all residents may agree upon its ratification.

Article II

CODE OF CONDUCT FOR COMMUNITY AREAS WITHIN

Section 1. Community areas within the house are thus defined as the kitchen, dining room, laundry room, and living room. All residents have unlimited permission to enter and utilize the space and items specified for collective use within the community areas.

COMMUNITY RESPONABILITIES AND RESPECT

Section 2. [1] Any and all unnecessary disruption of study time or academic efforts within personal or community areas will not be tolerated.

[2] Excessive noise within will not be tolerated at any time. This includes, but is not limited to music, musical instruments, television, parties, guests, animals, arguments, alarm clocks, firecrackers, gunfire, etc.

[3] All inside pets capable of lateral undulatory, bipedal, quadrupedal, sectapedal, octopedal, or winged escape are prohibited. Any outside pets must remain outside at all times and are subject to the FULL responsibility of the pet owner. This includes, but is not limited to feeding, housing, damaged items, damage to the yard, waste produced by the pet, and overall safety of the pet.

[4] There shall be a fully enforceable NON-SMOKING policy in all areas within.

[5] Candles, incense, etc. are fully acceptable in all community areas, but shall not be left burning unattended at any time.

[6] Alcohol use is fully acceptable in all community areas unless the level of drunkenness leads to loud, unruly, or destructive behavior by which the user(s) will be asked to retire to his or her room.

[7] Decoration or improvement of any and all community areas must be agreed upon and approved by all residents before placement of said decoration or improvement. Any undeviating improvements added to the house are permanent if they will damage the house upon removal.

[8] Items large or small designated for community use must be agreed upon and approved by all residents before their placement. Once an item is considered for community use, it will be subject to the above terms in this constitution. Each community item must be treated with care and respect by all residents and properly used as if it were their own.

[9] Any community item damaged accidentally or otherwise is subject to replacement at the expense of the resident who damaged that item. Any community item damaged due to regular use is to be replaced at the equal expense of all residents unless covered by the Landlord responsibilities in the Rental Agreement.

[10] Guns and ammunition are fully acceptable within, loaded or unloaded. However, all occupants must be fully aware of the placement and/or storage of all guns at all times. No guns or ammunition will be left unattended in a community area at any time.

CLEANLINESS AND MAINTENANCE

Section 3. [1] There will be no accumulation of personal clutter within community areas. This includes, but is not limited to food, dishes, silverware, cups, aluminum cans, bottles, trash, cookware, shoes, clothing, and clean or dirty laundry.

[2] Media shall not be combined or stored in the community areas. This includes, but is not limited to VHS, DVD, CD, books, magazines, etc. Any media left in the community area, including that which is left in the corresponding multimedia player will be returned to the resident(s).

[3] All shoes worn outside must be left by the front or back door. This is limited to one pair of shoes per resident. Shoes worn in the house are worn in the house only. Shoes worn outside, are worn outside only.

[4] The resident(s) who cooks is responsible for cleaning and putting away cookware or dishes within 24 hours of their use. Those residents who participate in cooking and/or eating – such as with community meals – are bound to assist in cleaning and replacement of dishes and cookware immediately after.

[5] The kitchen table will not be a catchall for personal OR community items. It will be clear and ready for use, unless already in use, at all times. This also applies to the countertops, coffee tables, and end tables.

[6] Any damage committed to the house or noticed should be reported to other residents immediately.

[7] Cleaning will be required at least once per week by all residents at a time and date agreed upon. Cleaning agents should be stored appropriately under sinks. All bathrooms are subject to strict, constantly well-maintained conditions.

[8] Each resident will be allotted their own cabinet in the kitchen. The food, beverages, and items within are not to be removed or used without the consent of the cabinet owner. There will be designated community cabinets where all items within are considered fair game.

THE REFRIGERATOR

Section 4. Expired food in the refrigerator should be regularly discarded, however, residents should only discard food or beverages they know to be their own. Also, food or beverages belonging to other residents should not be consumed without that residents approval.

Article III

CODE OF CONDUCT FOR PRIVATE AREAS WITHIN

Section 1. Personal bedrooms are the private property of the occupant(s) of said room. Any questionable material or items displayed are left to the responsibility of the room occupant. No other resident may question or enforce any activities that take place behind closed doors UNLESS the activity involves excessively audible behavior or may endanger the life or lives of occupants within the house.

RIGHTS OF PRIVATE ROOM OCCUPANTS

Section 2. [1] No personal property will be removed under any circumstances from private rooms without the consent of the occupant. No personal property belonging to any individual other than the room occupant may be stored in any private room at any time without the consent of the occupant of said room.

[2] If the door to a private room is closed, no resident may enter without knocking and waiting for the resident within to open the door. If the resident is not in said private room and the door is closed, no other resident may enter unless it is an emergency. Emergencies are limited to shutting a window during a storm, shutting off an alarm clock, or putting out a fire.

Article IV

CODE OF CONDUCT FOR OUTDOOR AREAS

Section 1. [1] Responsibilities and expenses for the upkeep and maintenance of the yard shall be divided equally among all residents. This includes mowing, weed eating, gasoline and oil for the mower and weed eater, and tree and shrubbery trimming.

[2] Upkeep of gardens, flowerbeds, potted plants, etc. are the responsibility of the resident who chooses to maintain or plant them.

[3] No vehicles are to be parked or driven in the yard or patio at any time, unless agreed upon by all occupants.

[4] Clutter within the limits of all yards and patio is prohibited. Lawn ornaments including, but not limited to birdbaths, bird feeders, statues, rocks, pink flamingos, garden gnomes, etc. are restricted to one ornament per resident, no matter how ridiculous, tacky, gaudy, ugly, or girly said lawn ornament may be. However, violation of any zoning laws are prohibited.

Article V

CODE OF CONDUCT FOR GUESTS

Section 1. [1] Any guest(s) entering the house are subject to all laws and codes of this constitution applicable to residents. A guest is considered anyone who consumes food, space, water, and electricity, that is invited into the house by any resident, but whose name does not appear on the Rental Agreement.

[2] Guest status does not apply to boyfriends or girlfriends.

[3] Any guest in violation of these codes and laws are subject to removal by a majority decision of all residents.

[4] All residents must be notified at least 24 hours prior to a guest(s) planning to stay longer than 3 consecutive days. This also applies to a party consisting of 2 or more guests planning to stay the night on any given night.

[5] No guest shall be left unattended at any time inside the house without at least one other resident present.

EXTENDED GUESTS

Section 2. [1] No guest may remain longer than 14 consecutive days. Upon exceeding this limit, a guest will be considered an extended guest – but only allowed to remain at the approval of all residents on the Rental Agreement. He or she will then be required to pay 1/5^th the total cost of monthly rent and utilities expenses,

[2] Any guest who exceeds the 14-consecutive-day limit and is paying 1/5^th the total rent and utilities expenses can remain no longer than an additional 7 days.

[3] The vehicle of a guest(s) or extended guest(s) may remain in the driveway no longer than 3 consecutive days.

Article VI

RENT / UTILITIES USAGE AND PAYMENTS

Section 1. [1] Excessive use of water and electricity is prohibited. All residents must turn off lights, appliances, computers, and heating or cooling when not in use. Energy efficient light bulbs and appliances are encouraged but not required.

[2] Individual checks for rent and utilities payments must be ready 5 days before the first day of each month. Total rent and utilities bills must be paid on time. It is encouraged for all residents to have their 1/4^th of next months rent reserved at all times.

[3] Internet and cable bills are considered utilities and will be treated as such.

All residents and their guests do hereby agree to all provisions of this

constitution and by signing it, are bound by ALL its terms and conditions, unconditionally.

The following signatures hereby pass this constitution

into full effect this ___ day of May, 2006

The Pinnacles

Just 12 miles south of Eastern, there is a geographic feature known as the Pinnacles. Berea College owns the land, which consists of about four square miles of forest. Since I first discovered this place quite by accident, I go there as much as possible just to get out into nature and get some good views of the surrounding country.

The Pinnacles lie on what is the very edge of the Cumberland Escarpment (or Pottsville, depending on who you are). About 380 million years ago, the North American tectonic plate buckled, resulting in the uplift of the Cumberland Plateau to the south and the creation of the Bluegrass Region to the north. You can see this for yourself in the first image. The elevation gain from north to south between these two regions is more or less 500 feet.

At the base of the Pinnacles there is a large amphitheatre called Indian Fort Theater. It was built in 1955 for something like $100,000. An outdoor wedding was the only event I have seen take place in this theater, otherwise it just sits empty and the bathroom doors are always locked.

Right past the theater, a single trail begins. All the trails here are well maintained, I assume by Berea students or faculty. There are about 5.4 miles of trails—if one could hike all trail legs without walking the same leg twice. Since last September, I have managed to hike all the visible trails and to visit all the summits.

The most popular destination for hikers seems to be the East and West pinnacles. The East pinnacle offers a good view of the town of Bighill, while from the West pinnacle there is an excellent view of Berea. I prefer the 2.5-mile hike to Basin Mountain. On a clear day, Richmond can be seen from here (remember, 12 miles away) and is by far the most isolated summit, as I have never encountered hikers this far out.

Many times I have encountered people on the more popular trails who have no idea where they are going. Most just want to get to the best view. I usually recommend the east or west side or sketch them a quick map in the dirt to direct them, along with a rough ETA or distance estimate.

I wondered why Berea College hadn’t taken the time to print some kind of map to direct hikers along their way. I decided to take it upon myself to make one. Using my GPS, I measured the distances of all the major trail legs. Once I double-check my measurements on future hikes, I plan to send my map to the forestry department of Berea College. I will recommend either printing some of the maps for free distribution at the beginning of the trail, or the construction of a small sign to display an enlarged copy of the map.

Until then, if you are in Richmond, Berea, or at least know of the Pinnacles, feel free to try out this map, and let me know if anything is confusing or needs to be changed.

Generic America

Today as I reflected over the vast amount of changes that are about to take place in my life, for the first time I got The Fear with a completely sober head. It was a sort of momentary wave of panic that the fun might be over.

See, this is my last semester, as I graduate in May. I don’t plan to make any kind of final walk or get all teary-eyed to “Pomp and Circumstance” as I anticipate throwing my square academic hat into the air only to lose it and pick up someone else’s. I intend to have my degree quietly mailed to my house so my parents can hang it up on the wall and admire it with some satisfaction that I actually graduated.

When I consider my college experience, I can’t help but feel slightly disappointed that it’s finally over. Sure, I am trying like hell to get into graduate school, but I am sure that will prove to be much harder and especially tedious since I won’t be living on campus anymore.

That’s right; I am getting a house off campus. My roommate, his girlfriend, my neighbor and I already paid our $750 deposit for a three-bedroom, two-bathroom house about three miles from campus. It has about an acre’s worth of yard and trees complete with plenty of Kentucky farmland nothingness to stand on the porch and stare out into during cigarette breaks.

I have never paid monthly rent before, so I am looking forward to learning something. In a way, I will be glad to get away from campus and retire each night into the peace and quiet of the Richmond countryside. I will have a yard to mow, a hammock, and hopefully a garden though it is too late to plant some things. Also, there are no streetlights, so I can dust off my telescope and actually get a good view of the Milky Way again.

One thing I look forward to is further isolation from Generic America. By that I mean all the people who just walk around everyday concerned only with their own lives and what seems to be the trendiest thing to do at the moment. Those people who are only concerned about the Now. When I was in high school, I used to dream about how college would be far less generic. I imagined a place where thought and discussion would dominate, where fashion wouldn’t exist, where people actually went to the library to read and where students actually participated during class discussion with interest.

I soon discovered that college is mostly just an extension of high school, but worse. It’s actually a conformity factory. I would say 90 percent of college students go to college because they either are forced/expected to by their parents or they just want to get away from home. They don’t give a shit about actually doing something productive with their lives. They join fraternities and sororities and they all have the same generic haircuts and wear identical generic shirts. Sometimes I wonder how they even recognize each other.

When the classes are actually full, it’s usually because there is an exam that half the people will fail because they’ve only been to class two other times. Also like high school, they still compete to see who can play the loudest, most incomprehensible music that can rattle itself out of the trunk. Judging by the police reports I read in the paper every week, this place seems to be a breeding ground for racism, sexism, bigotry, alcoholism and crime—things that an academic institution is supposed to discourage.

It’s probably not as dramatically tragic as I make it out to be. I just thought college would be a little different. I thought people would be encouraged to be individuals. Most have good intentions, but it’s very disheartening to see people silently “play the game” and act as if they have absolutely no sense.

I’ve recently become acquainted with an international student from Holland. I am always happy to talk to Europeans because they seem to have such a stronger grasp of reality than most Americans do. One night I asked him what he imagined America to be like before he came here, and what he thinks about it now after living here for four months. He said that most people in Holland think America is the most violent and crazy place on the planet. He truly considered the possibility that he might never make it home alive after coming to study here.

He thinks otherwise now of course, but I wonder how America got such a reputation? Are we really so violent and spontaneously insane? I don’t think we are, but I think we have grown increasingly ignorant over the years. Ignorant does not means “stupid” it just means “not informed.” The vast majority of us only speak one language. We think stem-cell research kills babies. We think women should not be allowed to have an abortion if they want to. We watch FOX news. We think oil is the end-all, ONLY option for energy. We think Mexico is invading us. We think Canada is stupid. We think guns are bad. We think global warming doesn’t exist. Marijuana is still illegal. We think pills will solve all our stress and insomnia problems. We don’t care what goes on in the rest of the world unless it serves our short-term interests and finally, we elected a president who sent this country into a war that none of us wanted. What's worse, we elected him twice.

I don’t know about you, but I consider myself very patriotic. It really bothers me that America has such a terrible reputation with the rest of the world. America has had its good times and bad times, when people were enlightened or paranoid. There’s no doubt in my mind that we will be seen as an admirable, “city on the hill” again, I just hope that it’s soon. We have the resources, the money, and the potential to be great again. We're just directing it in the wrong places and need to refocus our "efforts" if you want to call them that.

In the meantime, in a few weeks I will be living out in the country away from generic people until that happens.

Woes from the GRE

I took the GRE today. I passed the verbal section with a disturbingly low (but passable) score. I did terrible on the quantitative section, but I am not too concerned since the English graduate program I am applying for doesn’t even consider quantitative scores. The analytical section went well but I won’t know my scores for a few weeks. I hadn’t realized how dependant I have become on spell-check.

To be honest, the test was not what I expected. It was slightly easier than the model test in the preparation book I used to study. However, apparently the test is adaptive (it is computer based) and it makes harder or dumbs down the questions as you answer them correctly or incorrectly.

Anyhow, it has been a long day.

Denver mints traveling faster

In one of my previous blog entries, “Possible Correlations in the US Economy and the Circulation of Currency” I addressed just what the title suggests, only in reference to the 50 State Quarters Program here in the U.S.

If you live here in the states then you are probably familiar with the various designs on the backs of the new quarters as well as the sharper cut of George Washington on the front.

During the first week of February, my neighbor who is aware of my collecting habits brought over a Nevada P quarter. I hadn’t seen one yet and I immediately checked the release schedule on the U.S. Mints Website and noted that it had only been one week since the quarter’s initial release on January 31, 2006.

This past weekend I got a Nevada D in some change. This time, it only took two and a half months for the Denver minted quarter to circulate it’s was into my possession.

Does this reflect that the economy is getting better, since the Denver minted quarter made it to the eastern U.S. in only half the time that it usually takes? I don’t know. I am just happy to have both mints for the Nevada quarter and am now waiting on Nebraska.

To find out more information on the 50 State Quarters Program, check out this page at the U.S. Mint’s Web site.

Scholarly Shenanigans

Last week I started reading the great American novel, “The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Several people who have spied me reading this book have made such comments as, “I read it, wasn’t impressed” or more blatantly, “That book sucks.” But the most common and disturbing of all comments I’ve heard is that it reads “too slow and jumps around.”

It really irks me that some people, especially English majors, take such an elitist attitude towards literature. I suppose that in any field of interest there will always be those who think they know the facts more than the rest. But with books, I’m afraid there aren’t that many facts other than what MLA can give us. The rest is open to interpretation and the value (or lack thereof) of a book is definitely in the eye of the beholder. But why do most beholders need to feel superior among comrades of the same interest?

So far “Gatsby” proves to be interesting and full of that certain something that I like so much about F. Scott Fitzgerald. I heard once that Hunter S. Thompson would bang out a copy of a chapter or two of “The Great Gatsby” whenever he needed some inspiration. That’s one of the reasons I decided to give it a read. Back in 2003, I spent the autumn months deeply immersed in all those 1920s avant-garde, expatriate writers. I read mostly short stories by these writers and came away with a profound liking for Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

Personally there aren’t many books written in English that I find unreadable. A bad book is worth something, simply because it evokes some kind of emotion be it positive or negative. Even Jane Austen, whose books I find to be the most incredibly boring and dry critiques of English family, economy and society, are fairly easy (if not tedious) to get through.

What about James Joyce? If you think Fitzgerald is jumpy, try out “A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man” or “Ulysses.” You will definitely learn the true definition of jumpy and frustration. I read “Portrait” in a few sittings and though I don’t declare to completely understand everything about it, I got the gist of it and might read it again someday. I have attempted “Ulysses” about three times, ending each time with a more deeply rooted hatred for James Joyce. However, I absolutely love these people who claim to have read all 900+ pages without a problem.

Whenever I hear someone, especially my age, discussing “Ulysses” as if they have read it, I am always eager to question them thoroughly. When I ask what it was about (pretending to be entirely ignorant of the book), the best answer I have received so far is “Oh, I read it a long time ago, I don’t really remember.”

That’s when I get out my wading boots. You know, those boots you put on when you have to wade through a room full of bullshit?

Go directly to Hell: Do not pass go, do not collect $200

Someone should write a song about the Devil coming to town to challenge a guy at a game of Monopoly. In the song, the Devil would bet the guy a Monopoly board of gold against the guy’s soul. The game would go on for hours and it would be really dramatic until the guy out-deals the devil in property trades and the Devil goes bankrupt. The chorus of this song would have to include flaming mountains, chickens and a not-so-rabid dog.

Whenever I suggest a game of Monopoly to pass a night with coffee, cigarettes or a fifth, the short answer is usually – no. The long answer is usually – hell no. I have lost just as many games as the next person, but I have won a lot too. I am often accused of ill deals, unfair and relentless strategy, and cutthroat game play.

I assure you, I play perfectly fair and I always make sure the rules are agreed upon before the game begins, as everyone has their own traditional rules, concepts, etc. when it comes to Monopoly. Last night my neighbor and his girlfriend brought their Monopoly board over not really certain as to what they were getting themselves into.

The game seemed to start off in their favor. When all the properties had finally been purchased, I had possession of all yellow properties (Atlantic Ave, Ventnor Ave., and Marvin Gardens), all purple properties (Mediterranean Ave. and Baltic Ave.) and a single property from all color groups preventing my neighbor and his girlfriend from having any monopolies. My neighbor did however have all railroads which slightly annoyed me after shelling out $200 once every time around the board.

The girlfriend was the first to go out after landing on my yellow properties riddled with houses and hotels. Rather than going out, my neighbor offered to pay the $1025 rent for her in exchange for all of her properties. I protested, as all properties of someone going bankrupt should rightfully go directly to the bank to be repurchased by the remaining players who land on said properties. I decided to let it go, as my neighbor only achieved one monopoly with all his newly acquired properties. His girlfriend went bankrupt on her next turn and was out of the game.

Then the dealing began. I was insistent on breaking up his railroad cartel and refused all deals unless they involved at least a two-railroad trade. He was more than reluctant to let go of those railroads. After an hour of not much excitement and many deal proposals, I decided “what the hell” and I made a deal to give up three of my single properties for Kentucky Ave. and Pacific Ave. which gave me two more monopolies. I immediately erected hotels on them thanks to my vast wealth. My opponent however erected some hotels on his three newly acquired monopolies.

At first I was a little nervous as thousands of dollars began changing hands between us. The game appeared to be turning in his favor until I hit Free Parking (to which all taxes are placed in the middle—this is not an official rule, but it should be) and I received a grand total of $1875. With this money I was able to make it around the board a few times without suffering the loss of selling my hotels or houses to pay him rent.

Though he had played well and made some fine moves throughout the game, my neighbor was not so lucky. Before long he had sold all his houses and hotels, mortgaged nearly all his property, and finally went bankrupt. I ended the four-hour game with $7600 cash and at least $4000 invested in hotels and houses.

I am still waiting on the Devil to return my phone calls.

Lifetime guarantee; until you die

Although it is overcast and drizzling rain today, I decided it was time to bring my favorite pair of worn-out jeans out of retirement. I always did have an affinity for Levi’s, especially 527’s with their boot cut flair at the bottom. I have worn about the same size since I reached adulthood, 33 – 32.

I like these jeans because they’re full of holes and comfortable. The knees are long gone with the past summers of my golf course maintenance job. The pockets are worn out with the years of friction from my pocketknife and change on the right side, and my lighter on the left.

When I noticed the hole on the left today, I suddenly became aware of my lighter. It’s strange how a person can handle, transport, and use an item everyday but never fully become aware of it until the right circumstances present themselves. So I pulled it out for examination.

First, it came to my attention that I have been smoking cigarettes now for six years. Six is certainly a small single digit number, but six years is a long time, especially to be smoking. I quit for seven days when I had the flu in December of 2003, and spent three terriftying days last Christmas snowed in at my parents house without any cigarettes. Other than that, I have smoked at least a half-pack per day, everyday. But I don’t want to talk about smoking, or pants, but Zippos.

About 10 years ago I had a dream: I was at a flea market (the very next day my parents were planning to attended one in Louisville). In the dream I bought an Zippo from an old man. I suppose the lighter in the dream could have possessed magical powers, or stood to symbolize something in my subconscious, but being the kid that I was, when I awoke I was determined to find and secure a Zippo that day.

Of course after explaining the dream to my parents, they saw no need for me to have a lighter. I thought otherwise, believing in the power of dreams and being somewhat superstitious, as most 12-year-old boys tend to be. Regardless of their skepticism, I kept my eyes peeled all day for the specific shape and design of the lighter I had dreamt about. I left that day disappointed and feeling defeated. I thought sure I was meant to leave with a lighter that would somehow change my destiny and add hours of fun to my life, but I came home empty handed.

Sometime later, I was telling my grandma (who was notorious for her wild dreams and also a smoker up until her death) all about my Zippo dream and my futile search to find one at the flea market. She went back to her bedroom and returned with a Zippo. It had belonged to her brother Elmo who had died – ironically enough from lung cancer – long before I was born. It was silver, polish-worn with years of use and had a blue label on one side bearing his last name, Leach. She allowed me to hold it but said she would give it to me when I was older.

I forgot all about Zippos until the summer of 2000. I was in Gatlinburg, Tenn. on vacation when I decided it was about time to have a descent lighter. I bought an antique-brass style Zippo with “D 2000” stamped on the bottom. The “D” represents the month of April in which the lighter was manufactured (i.e. A – L represents January – December).

So this month being April, my Zippo is officially celebrating its sixth birthday. I like it for several reasons. Regardless of the famous company slogan “the windproof lighter,” it’s not really windproof. Sometimes, it doesn’t even light when the wind is blowing exceptionally hard. However, its design allows the smoker to angle the hinged lid in such a way to block the wind (with the help of a shielding hand) to light a cigarette, pipe, joint*, etc. more easily.

Another reason I like Zippos is for the required maintenance. Unlike many Americans, I am not that willing to adhere to the “faster, better, cheaper” philosophy that has leaked its way out of NASA and into society. I enjoy refilling the fluid and waiting to trim or replace the wick. I like the clicking sound it makes when I open it. I like the smell and taste of the cigarette when I light it (I only buy metal cans of Red Devil lighter fluid).

Plus, all Zippos come with a lifetime guarantee. If it ever breaks, I can send it back to Bradford, Pa. for repair. I also like to see other people with Zippos as well as the wide variety of tricks people attempt while drunk (usually the same trick, which they can never execute). I might go as far as to say that all Zippo users share a certain bond, a certain appreciation for the aesthetic value of smoking.

My grandma passed away in July of 2001. As the family rummaged through her things to be divided among the kids and grandkids, the old Zippo that belonged to my uncle Elmo resurfaced. I had forgotten all about it, but on seeing it I asserted that it had been promised to me years ago and it was handed over without hesitation. My grandpa, however, didn’t turn loose of it before adding, “Don’t start smoking or anything” to which I just nodded and pocketed the artifact; a reminder to quit smoking one day before it kills me.

*It is disputed as to whether or not it is appropriate to light a joint with a Zippo as some smokers complain about the taste of the lighter fluid.

Headline goes here

I have been interested to see, as of late, how my new job as assistant copy editor at the school paper has affected my writing. In fact, since I got the job I haven’t written anything up until last week. I had to write a poetry explication/analysis on the poet/poem of my choice for my Romantic Literature class (ENG 480). After reading “The Human Abstract” by William Blake about 10 or more times, and making my usual outline, I typed out four pages in about two hours with no problem.

We were required to print out two copies of our paper to be distributed in class for peer editing. As I read two other papers in class I felt assured that I had an equal, if not slightly more stable draft than I had previously thought. Later that night, when I sat down to review what my classmates had edited I noticed some startling comments.

To my horror, I read such disheartening comments as “You have some serious punctuation problems” and “too many run-on sentences.” I was offended and befuddled. However, as I read over their corrections, I realized my mistake. I had written the paper completely in AP style. Somehow, my brain disregarded the 23-years-worth of English grammar and converted to this strange­—but ultimately and unarguably more efficient style of writing.

Though I have only been assistant copy editor for about five weeks, I feel that I am not learning AP style as fast as I should. When I edit an article and pass it on to the copy editor, I notice that her red marks far outnumber mine. I ask her a lot of questions and refer to my stylebook often, but plenty of mistakes still elude me.

Working for a college newspaper, especially one that only publishes once a week has slightly deterred me from ever wanting to work for a daily paper. First of all, most writers are terribly unorganized. No one seems to conform to a specific style (AP included) and many people make the same mistakes over and over regardless of my written comments on their drafts.

For example, when an English major like myself uses commas in a series – such as red, white, and blue – the comma is naturally placed between white and and. However, in AP style, the series simply reads red, white and blue with only one comma. Half the writers recognize this rule and some even insist on using the ampersand (the symbol &) in place of and. This is another huge no-no unless the ampersand is part of a company name such as Proctor & Gamble.

Another common mistake is with numerals. In accordance with AP style, cardinal numbers 0-9 should almost always be spelled out zero-nine. Anything above 10, unless it is a date or is at the beginning of a sentence, should be written as a numeral. Nine out of 10 people don’t adhere to this rule.

Deadlines are another thing the staff seems to extravagantly disregard. I go to the office at 5:30 p.m. on Tuesday. I usually leave around midnight. In that amount of time I have only done about two hours of editing. The rest of the time I sit around doing homework, waiting on people to drop their articles in the *2beEdited network folder.

When I go back on Wednesday afternoon, people are running around franticly trying to get their articles edited all at once to make the 3 p.m. deadline. I realize the staff is 99 percent college students and that everyone procrastinates. I do however think if the deadline were more strictly enforced, everyone (including the editors) would be a lot better off. I haven’t decided if I want to continue working at the paper next semester, but if it’s more organized under the new adviser, I may consider it a little more strongly.

Definitely though, the experience alone has been worth it. I’ve never much liked working with groups of people, and now I remember why. But, most of the people are all civil and interesting. Several of the staff are smokers and we take full advantage of our unlimited smoke breaks. Also, every computer in the office is a Mac, which I had no prior experience with before this year. I actually heard myself say the common phrase uttered by most Americans over 50 in response to computers, “I can’t even turn one on.”

The reality of too many options

I bought my first pocketknife at Mammoth Cave National Park when I was just five years old. It was a small, single blade knife with a plastic, yellow handle. It had a picture of a horse on the handle that said “Kentucky” and it only cost $1. Although my parents told me just to keep it in my pocket, the first chance I got in the bathroom stall, I opened it up in admiration and accidentally cut myself.

As boys often do in emulation of their fathers, I absorbed many of my dad’s interests and passions, especially for pocketknives. Over the years I have enjoyed carrying a wide variety of knives and have learned all about different steels, blades, handle materials, and even a little history about certain U.S. knife companies like W.R. Case & Sons. I was always cautioned to avoid foreign cutlery, with exception to European companies such as Zwilling J. A. Henckels and Victorinox, maker of the ever-popular Swiss Army Knife.

I first saw a Swiss Army Knife at the Louisville Zoo in the late Eighties. My parents were paying the admission fee and I noticed the college-age guy taking the money in the little booth had one on his key ring. I asked him about it and he opened up few of the blades. I was totally amazed at the possibilities of so many tools, even the corkscrew. Soon afterwards I got one for my birthday and carried it wherever I went. Later on in my life I advanced to Leatherman tools after losing my Swiss Army Knife on a fishing trip.

Many people question the validity of Switzerland’s army and if they actually have one. It turns out they do in fact have an army and a defense department since at least 1848. The Swiss Army Knife was first issued to Swiss soldiers in 1891. It was invented by a man named Karl Elsener. It had wooden handles with a can opener, a screwdriver, a knife blade and the mysterious punch blade still present on some modern Swiss Army Knives but it's not very useful (unless you are losing weight from starvation out in the wilderness and you need a new hole punched in your belt to keep your pants up.)

So recently I have switched back to carrying a Swiss Army Knife. Nothing too elaborate, just a simple Tinker model. However, as I was surfing the Web today I discovered a startling new model that tells me Victorinox has gotten a little out of control. This is not a joke.

Murphy's Law

Murphy’s Law. Most Americans know it well. I am sure most cultures have their own version of this universal adage. No one can escape it. I am no exception. There is never an exception with Murphy’s Law, only an acceptation. Tomorrow, finals week begins and of course my immune system decided to go have a cigarette at a most inappropriate time. I managed to write up an excruciating five-page essay this weekend for the take-home portion of my English Lit II final exam, but of course I have so far neglected to commit any time studying for it. I have a final every day this week except Tuesday which I will probably reserve for sleep.

I have been nursing myself with orange juice, vitamins, some OTC nasal decongestant, and my roommate’s girlfriend’s collection of Sex and the City on DVD. MS Word just informed me that “roommate’s girlfriend’s” is a colloquialism. A colloquialism is usually considered an aspect of regional dialect. For example, many people in central Kentucky say, “quieten down” or in southern Indiana, “I need to ‘warsh’ the dishes.” I have even heard such outrageous statements as “there ain’t shit in there but nuthin’.” These sentences literally mean nothing in accordance to traditional English grammar. However, used in the appropriate geographic location, they can be quite comprehensible and even powerful. Regardless, I think “roommate’s girlfriend’s” is a perfectly legitimate phrase. The DVD collection belongs to the girlfriend of my roommate. Case closed.

Anyhow, I started with the first season and worked my way up to disc 3 of the second season. I had watched a few episodes with her before, but never took the time to really watch it intensely or with much focus. I saw the stack of Sex and the City sitting on the dresser and since I felt like shit, decided to watch them from the beginning. I didn’t really start to form a solid opinion until disc 1 of the second season. Still, I am not going to form an official opinion of the show until I have seen them all. I may further elaborate in a future post. For now, I am going to sleep and hopefully I will feel like getting up at 7am tomorrow and actually doing something. Murphy is a real bastard.

Dorm Life: 5 Years Ago

During my first semester of college (fall of 2000) I made a collage image of my dorm room. I stumbled across the image tonight and thought it might make for an interesting post. Many interesting clues to the life of my roommate and I can be found throughout the room, including but not limited to: Jones Soda labels, Jerkcity comic strips, drug paraphernalia, contraband, evidence of post-high school tech-savviness, pornography, and even a Longaberger basket courtesy of my mother.

Can you find them all?

Give Me Liberty, Give Me Cigarettes

As the year approaches its end I have recently taken the time to reflect back on the last twelve months of my life. Actually, the reflection began as I was browsing through my check register for 2005. Last New Year’s Eve I resolved to keep up with my checkbook—that is to meticulously document all my spending habits in a year’s time. After merely a few weeks of forcing myself to save receipts and further motivating myself by getting a convenient checkbook register template for MS Excel, I managed to condition myself into the habit of proper financial record keeping. Not only have I avoided overdraw fees by always knowing my account balance, but I can now look back and see how much money I have spent and on what I have spent it. This year I have spent $707.34 on cigarettes. That total is not as shocking as I expected. That’s approximately a carton every two weeks. In questioning whether or not it was necessary to spend that much on a habit that will kill me, well, I really don’t have a sensible answer to that, as I really do like smoking.

Yes, I enjoy smoking cigarettes. I have smoked for about five years but more regularly since college. I considered quitting after I graduate, however cigarettes have become such a part of my routine and my personality that I don’t know if I really want to quit. With all the recent public smoking bans being implemented in Kentucky cities I find myself becoming a very proud and narcissistic smoker. It seems un-American for a state to force its business owners into adopting a directive based on the comfort of would-be customers.

Personally I don’t feel it necessary to light up a cigarette in the courthouse, the classroom, or an elevator—in fact I think it would quite rude to do so. So as far as banning smoking outright in public places where people have no way of avoiding it, such as schools, museums, hospitals, or the work place, I see no problem at all. As a somewhat public-conscious smoker, I realize that most non-smokers don’t appreciate the smell of burning tobacco nor the unhealthy side effects. But in a restaurant or bar that supplies ashtrays, it can be assumed that the business caters to smokers; especially if said business lacks a non-smoking section. Some large franchises prohibit smoking in all their restaurants. I have heard a rumor that Waffle House will soon adopt a non-smoking policy nationwide. In the case of a non-smoking establishment, a smoker has no choice but to smoke outside or face the legal consequences. However, the smoker does have the choice to simply choose an establishment that permits smoking. This also holds true with non-smokers. If a person doesn’t like eating or lounging while exposed to cigarette smoke, it seems reasonable that those people should chose a non-smoking establishment. With a citywide smoking ban, the smoker does not have that choice, as all establishments within city limits are forced by law to prohibit public smoking. That sounds like an infringement of rights not only to the business owners but also to their smoking customers. It’s not as if smokers are incapable of waiting to go outside to smoke. It is merely the principle of the matter.

The problem stems from the smoking section itself. Unless the smoking section of an establishment involves a separate building or a NASA-style airlock, everyone within is going to be exposed to smoke. Integrating smoking and non-smoking sections into one building gives people a justified reason to complain. In this case, segregation is not a bad idea. Since I am a civil human being, I don’t enjoy smoking around someone who despises being exposed to it. When there is a sign posted outside an establishment that says “No Smoking,” the majority of smokers (myself included) take it upon themselves to observe the sign and not smoke inside or not bother going in at all.

In 2000, 23% of Americans over 18 were smokers—30% of those being Kentuckians, the highest percentage of any other state. It makes sense that anti-smokers would attack Kentucky in their movement to abolish smoking because if they could succeed here, they could succeed anywhere. What saddens me is that they have been very successful only in infringing upon the rights of the smokers. But why should they have the right to force all business owners into a mandatory non-smoking policy? Why not let the business owners chose for themselves how to run their businesses?

If business owners had the option to be 100% in favor of smoking or 100% in favor of non-smoking, and if the customers would stick to their respective establishments allocated specifically to their smoking preference, then everyone could be happy. No one likes being told what they can’t do. As long as there is a “where” in the equation, meaning some establishments that offer smoking, I think most smokers will be satisfied. More than likely in 50 years tobacco will be phased out of this country anyway, which I agree would be in the best interests of everyone. Sure, anyone has the ability to quit, but once a person knows what it is like to be addicted; there is no going back to the pre-addicted state of mind. Addiction is an opened door that can never be closed. Most smokers who have attempted to quit or have laid down their packs for good can tell you that “cutting back” is futile and that the only way to quit is to abstain completely.

But for now, there are 68 million smokers in the US who are not going to yield overnight—who will probably not yield until death. We smokers have a shortened, unhealthy life of coughing and sore lungs ahead of us, but it’s OUR choice as ludicrous as it may seem. We are going to keep smoking. If you are a smoker or a non-smoker and someone is smoking in an area where they shouldn’t, kindly remind them to go elsewhere. If someone is smoking in a designated area and you don’t like it, don’t want to be exposed to it, or don’t want your children exposed to it, then my advice is to go somewhere else. Smokers aren’t trying to force everyone else to smoke, so why try to force us not to?

Possible Correlations in the US Economy and the Circulation of Currency

Since I was a kid I have had a deep interest in currency. Sometime in the 80’s my dad gave me a large Australian copper penny with a kangaroo on the back of it dated 1941. That was all it took to start my collection, not to mention spawning my fascination with flea markets.

When the 50 State Quarters Program began in 1999 I was a cashier at Wal-Mart with first hand observation of the circulation of the new state quarters. It is important to know that most US currency is minted in Philadelphia Pennsylvania and Denver Colorado. Coins made in Philadelphia are circulated throughout the east—that is, east of the Mississippi River—while coins made in Denver are circulated in the west. Coins minted after 1979 are stamped with a small “P” or “D” distinguishing the respective minting locations (Lincoln pennies however, are the only coins minted in Philadelphia that are not stamped with “P”)

While working as a cashier and being an avid coin collector, I began to notice that Wal-Mart’s cash office would distribute rolls of the new quarters usually within a week or two of their initial release. Since the store was located in southern Indiana the entire roll would always be Philadelphia minted quarters. Within the following month I could expect to find Denver minted quarters as I counted up my cash drawer at the end of my shift. I would then make the switch with some pocket change for the Denver quarters to add to my Official Whitman Coin Folder. Through that observation I thought it a legitimate assumption that it took about a month for the Denver mints to circulate their way across the US.

I haven’t worked as a cashier for five years. But through close monitoring of all my pocket change and a cleverly constructed network of friends and relatives who are aware of my quarter collecting, I have managed to keep my folder up-to-date, but with a little trouble that I became aware of early this year.

Following its preliminary release date on January 26, 2004, 459,600,000 Michigan quarters circulated their way around the United States. It was nearly 8 months before a Denver minted Michigan quarter made its way into my possession. Keep in mind that I am a full-time college student living in the east, employed only during the summer months. Regardless of my tight spending habits and limited budget, before the Michigan quarter I never had a problem eventually obtaining Denver mints within a reasonable amount of time. With only a month remaining of 2005, I have all Philadelphia mints for this year (California, Minnesota, Oregon, Kansas, and West Virginia respectively) but am still missing Denver mints of Minnesota, Kansas, and West Virginia.

My question is this: why is it that during 2004 and 2005 it has taken such an unusual amount of time for the Denver mints to circulate their way to my pockets? Some possible explanations that I have devised are as follows:

Firstly, other than going out to eat at restaurants, all my purchases are made using my debit card. I like to pay with cash when I go out to the bar or to eat, mostly for tipping purposes. Perhaps my spending habits are to blame as I rely primarily on plastic for regular purchases such as gas, cigarettes and groceries; purchases that would otherwise produce regular pocket change. Since I have kept strict records of all transactions I make, I doubt this is the case because my routine spending habits have not changed since I started college. Granted that I rely on a stable cache of quarters with which to do my laundry every weekend, it’s safe to say I frequently handle a fair amount of quarters.

A Second but more unlikely hypothesis is that maybe collectors are hoarding an over abundance of the State quarters. Unlike the failed attempt to popularize the use of the Sacagawea dollar, I don’t feel as if collectors are to blame with the rarity of Denver mint circulation. I see ample amounts of Philadelphia mints, even plenty of Delaware quarters—the first quarter of the program to be released. If collectors were the problem, I think an early release date would directly link to the scarcity of that quarter. This has simply not been my observation as I often come across both Philadelphia and Denver mints of the older state quarters that have had a reasonable amount of time to circulate.

My third and final conjecture is that the rarity of Denver mints in the east could be a direct correlation to some kind of change in the US economy. Could such a nationwide economic change be reflected in currency circulation? I think it could, but I am no economist so I couldn’t begin to know the appropriate questions to ask or procedures to go about studying such an occurance. I think that most likely this change could be due to less travel, which in turn could be due to higher gas prices (I doubt this, in that no one I know drives any less than they ever did since gas has become more expensive). But if people aren’t traveling as much, more than likely the currency distributed to a region will remain to be circulated within that region only. This would explain why it takes so long for Denver mints to make their way across the Mississippi River. Maybe people just aren’t crossing it as much.

Then again, maybe they are crossing it as frequently as they always have but with less change in their pockets. Is it possible that people don’t rely on cash as much as they used to? I think so. Though I haven’t seen any statistics on the matter, I know I have been using my debit card for 90% of my purchases ever since I discovered its convenience.

Whatever the reason, this rarity of Denver mints in the east is simply an observation I have made. I wonder if any other statehood quarter collectors out there have experienced the same problem I have just addressed. Furthermore, is it possible that Philadelphia mints have become rare in the western United States? If so, it would be an interesting study to find out why.

Perhaps I am just impatient. At least none of my theories involve government conspiracies.